Caritas

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained" - CS Lewis

Many of you know that I am an only child. I don't regret this - although I've spoken with some onlies that do. I rather like being by myself, and in some ways it makes life a bit easier. And actually, I had reservations about having a second child. Afterall, I had no negative impressions of only-hood.  Now, those folks that have 3 or more, God bless you. I'm certain that some people are made for that, but not me. 

Because I didn't experience it, the sibling relationship is very perplexing to me. Unlike those who grew up with someone else, I don't have preconceived notions about how siblings treat each other. Or maybe I do. Maybe I'm just too naive about how I want my children to treat each other. I remember the day that I put my three month old in the car, just next to the (nearly) three year old's car seat, and she said "He's looking at me!"  I was under the impression that I had at least a year before that started. You know, when my younger child was actually capable of looking at the older.  And even now, it is rare that Kate will include Mason in her artwork. Most of it says: "Love. Mommy Daddy Nan Pop Granma Grandpa." But very rarely "Mason." 

So I hear stories from everyone who had siblings, and I observe how friends and family treat their siblings, and I try to take that to heart when mine are hitting and screaming at each other. I realize it's normal. I don't like it. And for a while I was a bit concerned that Kate was SO uninterested in Mason, or didn't like him doing pretty much anything.  I know that some people "hate" their siblings growing up, but then emerge from college as friends. I know that some siblings fight and bicker constantly (ahem! I may be related to some). I know that some siblings are friends but are still very disrespectful of each other as adults. I've even seen many beautiful sibling relationships and wonder why they're different.  Someone once pointed out to me that we often treat strangers better than those we love. Which is true, and it's a shame, isn't it?

So don't get the false impression that their relationship is all butterflies and flowers:

I mean, they are awfully cute together when they're smiling, no? Here they are at a very safe distance.

I really don't take pictures of them when they're at their worst and treating each other poorly. I mean, who wants to remember that? But you know what? More and more lately, they're in cahoots.

And Kate recently included Mason in her family portrait. Yes, yes. Maybe I had to ask her to include him.

So I will continue to encourage them to love each other. With caritas (latin) - or charity. A love that "glorifies God and reflects the nature of God."

I don't expect them to be best friends - ha! Good thing!  But I do expect respect, and I would hope that they would have a charitable love for each other - even if they don't always feel loving towards one another. And sometimes I see it growing.

And it makes my heart happy. I hope they will always have each other to depend on.