Dear Mr President

Dear Mr. President

Just the other day I watched your inauguration on TV when I was a mere 6 weeks old. Mom and I were talking about what a nice guy you are and how you have 2 little girls of your own. She also told me how you were going to do some cool stuff for our country, so I thought you might want to add a couple of things to your list to help out babies like myself. First, I was hoping you could outlaw onesies. I'm just a baby, but onesies remind me of the war in Iraq. They seem like a good idea, but once you start getting into a onesie, you realize what a bad idea they are - not to mention the fact that no one had babies in mind when they designed them! Also, I would like for you to make tummy time illegal. Tummy time, like waterboarding, is torture. We should spare babies everywhere. Finally, I was going to ask that you make baths for babies against the law, but I've come to like them (see above). Thank you Mr. President. If you do these things, I'll be sure to ask Mom and Dad to vote for you in 2012.